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6/7/12

An early birthday present? 

A twist of fate?

A new challenge?

The inevitable?

Bad timing?

My demise.

But what?

I felt ill to my stomach; for an instance I thought I was going to be sick. Sick from a sudden an decisive blow from an adversary of mine, a demon of my own design; anxiety. Completely caught off guard, unexpected and surreal. As I hesitated for a moment, to just absorb this happening, I gathered myself and cordially responded. 

It’s as if things started right where they had left off.

Is this too good to be true? What’s the catch? Why all of a sudden? What do you want from me now? All were relevant questions teaming ever crevasse of my mind. My ID went wild; everything I craved, wanted, longed for at my fingertips again, and then some. Not just carnal instincts, but a knowing that this relentless void could finally be subdued. 

I take the chance; “stepped off the chair so I could learn to let lose”.

Am I destined for disaster once more? Have I learned absolutely nothing in the months past? 

My most recent philosophy, as of late, has told me to just accept things for what their worth, find the learning in every aspect of life and to never stay stagnant. Granted, I will not let this in any way falter my vision of the future. However, I will ride this instance out and see what it births.

For better or for worse, I will weather the storm(s).

-Regards

"Transcendence is the final destination; the beginning and the end. We endure a life time of struggle to become the Alpha and Omega."

— 6/5/2012

Once it hits 1 year,

and i’m still thinking about you; there may be a problem. You keep me under you spell.

I

miss you. So much. I want your embrace; your forehead against mine, and silence. Just silence. It’s been far longer than four months, i’m most positively sure of myself now; that i’m hopelessly in love with you.

"Pain has no face. Pain has no smell. Pain makes no sound and bares no color. Pain has no mind, but consumes your thoughts. Pain has no eyes yet still distorts everything you see in front of you. How can you believe someone if they told you they were in pain? How can you worry for someone else if you cannot see it to begin with. Only one in pain, be it physical or mental, will ever know and understand it’s essence."

— As I thought to myself.

"Everyone plans for the future like they’ll live past tomorrow; when they could even die today."

— Yep.

"There is no girl out there,"

— for a man like myself; made of ice, leather and stone. I’m tired of this.

I think sex should be somthing casual you can do when you’re both bored regardless if you’re dating or not.

                                              If you’re both cute then why not?


WHY CAN’T I BE FREE?

                                    THE GOVERNMENT HAS ME.

                                        

IF I WAS BORN A GIRL:

                                    I’d be the embodiment of Lisbeth Salander.

              

"It would seem every action must be executed by your own two hands. The authenticity of reliance on friends and allies has been questionable these days and therefore one must do everything by himself/herself without the aid of others. That is to say, if you want real results. Like patience, perseverance has the potential to make winners out of us all."

— Myself.

CONFESSION: #12

A part of me wants to immerse myself into the world of the hacker.

  

"And I ask myself, “Am I even capable of love anymore?"

— I’m afraid to answer that…

"CONFESSION: # 10"

—

1/31/12: I feel hideous today…


"MY OPINION ON WOMAN IN RELATIONSHIPS:"

—

M: You don’t trust anyone, do you, James?
James Bond: No.
M: Then you’ve learned your lesson.

Casino Royale 2006